Hairstylist admits last Bono haircut was failure

Hairstylist admits last Bono haircut was failure

Dire-ish Times, October 03, 2010
By: Ronan McSkeevy

LEGENDARY Bono hairstylist Harry McHairywhite has said the singer’s latest haircut did not achieve what it set out to achieve and its relative failure had affected the Bono.

 The haircut, unveiled on August 6, has drawn only a fraction of lady (and boy) oohs and aahs and received mostly lukewarm shrugs online, though it did get a five-star rating from Jann Wenner during a weekly skype chit chat he has with Bono to discuss how awesome they both think they are. McHairywhite, who was the haircuts’ co-stylist along with a blind guy and a guy with no thumbs, said the haircut lacked a strong biblical theme and the Jersey Shore ambience that it tried to recreate did not work.

“At the end of the day, the public are always right especially when you have a platform as big as Bono’s head,” he said. “Of course it affects him. He does not know it, but the truth is, Bono is a human. He put his heart and soul into the haircut, but the oohs and aahs did not reach the level that he expected. We must admit that it failed to ignite peoples imaginations.

“It’s a pity because the whole idea of Bono’s hair looking like he stuck his finger in an electric socket as a big idea was great. When the big idea for Bono’s hair is good, that is when the band succeeds the most, but when he ends up with a Jersey Shore / Heat Miser hybrid, then it’s time for the bass player to distract everyone by taking his shirt off. Something happened that meant our hairy experiment did not come across on his head.”

In the aftermath of this sensational article’s release, U2 fans who spend what they are sure is a perfectly healthy amount of time on the internet started arguing. And arguing. And then arguing some more. And then arguing again: “Everyone knows that real fans love this haircut!!” “The haircut is art!” “No way! The haircut is no good! It borrows from the past, pretends to be futuristic, and sucks in the middle part.” “Either way, really, who does McHairywhite think he is talking smack about the haircut?!” “And oh me oh my, what does this mean for the future – for the NEXT haircut?” “Will the next haircut now be less experimental? More mainstream? Please don’t let it be a return to the post-Pop, pre-failed haircut era!”

These arguments continue as we speak, and they shall likely continue now and forever, amen.

Meanwhile, in other developments, McHairywhite has tried to retract his statement via his twitter, claiming he never called the haircut a failure, but seemingly confirming that he did think that as a big idea, the haircut was not fully realized. Whatever in the hairheck that means.

Irish Times: Steve Lillywhite Admits Last U2 Album Was A Failure


16 thoughts on “Hairstylist admits last Bono haircut was failure

  1. Haven’t they considered nearly every album they’ve made in the past to be a ‘failure’ of some kind? Or at least they feel that there is always room to grow, improve & challenge themselves. That’s what has kept them striving for so long at such a high level.

  2. Just keep it cropped ala Popmart. Stop messing with your hair. That’s what I tell my husband. Or and the rest of the article is good too. :) Luv ya

  3. F’ing brilliant! Literally falling out of my chair laughing and agree that Adam’s the perfect bad haircut distraction (then again I’ve known that for nearly 30 Years now!).

    Very, very clever, caravox! :)

  4. Yes, very drole: U2′s music is almost as irrelevant and unimportant as its lead singer’s fashion sense. They make meaningless pop music, and there’s really no reason to point out one’s belief that the band’s latest disposable album is less artistically successful than the rest of their output.

    …that is the point of this satire, right?

    Because if U2′s music is worth discussing, then whatever humor can be had by trivializing that music must rely on the reader’s unthinking reflex that parody = comedy, regardless of the content.

  5. I notice you didn’t tell that to Debbi: I’m guessing you don’t mind people taking this post as some sort of serious commentary, so long as they praise you for it.

  6. Caravox, I think it’s possible but not always consistent. A devout Catholic could probably chuckle at the Pope’s fashion sense, but he couldn’t really scoff at the papal claim to authority.

    “What’s the point of this joke?” If there isn’t a clear answer, and the joke touches on some controversy or sore spot, then a listener could infer the wrong thing — as I apparently did, regretfully.

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